Consumer Guide Album

Tiffany: Tiffany [MCA, 1987]
As a commercial strategy, following a merely schlocky cover of a schlock-rock classic with the better of two schlock ballads was aces--number-one singles, double-platinum LP, what more could a svengali ask? But she's got better in her. This is a fantasy album about the growing pains of a wholesome California teen, flexing her sexuality slightly as she moons over that soulful Mexican boy, with two schlock classics of its own: "Should've Been Me," jealously obsessing on an ex-boyfriend's jacket, and "I Saw Him Standing There," which drags a rock and roll classic through the mud by its cheesy Prince-schlock synth riff. Beatlemaniacs who aren't even dead yet will roll over in their graves. I can't wait. B